Here are a few funnies for you

DarrensPassion · December 4th, 2002, 03:58 PM

What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
Sexual Harassment

What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
?3.00 a minute.

What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down?
Marriage

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

What have men and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for
life.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and
good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen
doughnuts.

Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony?
The woman who ate the last donut.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off, you wonder where the breasts went.

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.

A lady walks into a Ferrari dealership. She browses around, then spots the
perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the Fine
leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed
her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns back, there, standing next to her, is a Salesman
"Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely
vehicle?"

He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh1t
yourself when you hear the price."

Janie xx

**DarrensAngel** · December 4th, 2002, 09:29 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#ccccff"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Katt721:
ROTF

I'll say it again....this is my fav! [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen
doughnuts.</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

That's my fav too [img]smile.gif[/img]

**Katt721** · December 5th, 2002, 04:37 AM

ROTF

I'll say it again....this is my fav! [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen
doughnuts.

DarrensPassion · December 5th, 2002, 04:40 AM

[img]tongue.gif[/img] @ that! Marci [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img]

Janie xx

Twizzle · December 5th, 2002, 04:41 AM

LMAO at "What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? Marriage" and "What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife." [img]biggrin.gif[/img] [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

Loved the fart gag too [img]wink.gif[/img] LMAO

DarrensPassion · December 5th, 2002, 04:44 AM

LMAO @ this one:

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.

[img]eek.gif[/img]

Janie xx

**sunhawk** · December 7th, 2002, 08:17 PM

ROFL! XD

DarrensPassion · December 8th, 2002, 02:25 PM

Here's some more nonsense for you [img]wink.gif[/img]

1. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

2. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

3. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

4. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me. "

5. How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

6. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

7. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.

8. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

9. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

10. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.

11. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake.

12. Marriage is a 3-ring circus Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

13. Our last fight was my fault; My wife asked me. "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

14. Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

15. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son

16. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

17. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

18. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

19. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.

20. Why do brides wear white? Men like their dishwasher to match the fridge and range.

Don't blame me for those ^^^!! They are courtesy of my darling other half!! [img]wink.gif[/img] LOL

Janie xx